Have you been in a not so happy relationship before? Do your exes have something in common? And is that the reason why they are part of the past now? Have you ever felt like you attract the wrong people?
What Is A Dysfunctional Relationship?
A dysfunctional relationship is a relationship that has a malfunction. Remember as kid when you ate something that your parents told you not to eat but you did it anyway? Let’s say that it was (too much) candy. You got sick afterwards but kept telling everyone that the candy wasn’t the reason you’re feeling sick? A relationship that has a malfunction is a relationship where at least one individual in the relationship is (silently) suffering but is suppressing the pain or is in denial about their suffering.
The suffering translates itself into objective problems. Problems that are also identified as real issues by other people. The current courtship is then unhealthy, toxic or damaging.
What Are The Signs Of A Dysfunctional Relationship?
Love is a powerful emotion and because of that we often close our eyes for facts or situations that are significant signals showing that our relationship isn’t healthy. A strong sign of a malfunctioning relationship is actually health problems.
It shows, physically too, when you’re not in a happy relationship. Have you ever had a fight with someone you deeply cared about and it affected your mood? It affected your sleep? That is the reaction of our whole being to a problem. The fight affects the mind and the mind affects the body. It’s the externalisation of our inner thoughts and/or emotions.
Another sign of a dysfunctional relationship is when you start doubting your own identity. Being in a relationship means being constantly exposed to another person’s views, values and norms. When someone’s values and norms are contradictory to your own, it affects your identity as you stay in the relationship.
Is it a problem? Only if it means compromising your whole identity, in a bad way.
Last but not least, another big indication that you’re not in a happy relationship is simply when your happiness depends on your partner. When you feel lonely or unhappy without your partner.
How To Deal With An Unhealthy Relationship
Being in a dysfunctional relationship is a symptom of a deeper rooted problem. It is very important we take our time in coming to terms with ourselves first. Getting to know who we are, what we want, who we want to be and figure out who we want to be with. When we don’t have a clear vision of ourselves we often tend to project that on others. We attract what we project.
That explains why someone who’s been in several violent relationships before, keeps on repeating the same pattern. Because of the unclear vision of oneself.
Get to know yourself first, have a clear vision of who you are and love that vision of yourself. We only allow others to treat us the way we treat ourselves, the way we feel that we deserve to be treated. You cannot give away what you don’t have. You cannot love someone else if you don’t love yourself.
But let it be said, self-love is a lifetime ongoing process. It’s intensive but it’s a powerful investment in yourself.